Bullying

Peers play key roles in how children and teens grow socially and emotionally. Relationships with friends help kids learn important skills like working together and understanding others’ feelings.

As kids get older and start to become more independent from their parents, they rely more on their friends for support. Having friends is a natural and important part of growing up. But just as positive friendships help kids, bad ones can cause a lot of stress. Some children or adolescents may experience systematic aggression or intimidation from other children or adolescents, significantly impacting their social, academic, and family lives. This is called bullying.

What is typical?

Most people know that teasing and awkward social moments are part of growing up and that almost everyone gets teased at some point. Learning to bounce back from these moments is a key skill. But being bullied is different and can have long-lasting emotional harm.

Teasing becomes bullying when:

• There is a power difference.Bullying is done by someone who has more power (like more strength, popularity, or money) over someone who has less.
• There is an intention to cause harm.Bullying can include physical attacks, verbal threats, spreading rumors, or leaving someone out on purpose.
• It is repeated.Bullying happens again and again, not just once.
• It causes harm.If teasing or meanness affects a child’s well-being or daily life, it’s bullying.

Kids do not usually bully because they are bad people. Some reasons kids might bully include:

• They want to fit in with friends who are bullying someone.
• They are getting bullied themselves at home or school.
• They want attention from others to feel important.
• They are impulsive and haven’t learned good ways to handle their impulses.
• They feel threatened by the presence or success of other children.
• They think others are mean to them, even if they are not.
• They do not understand how much their behavior hurts others.

What is cyberbullying?

Bullying can be verbal or physical, and now it also happens online. Kids interact with their peers on the internet, and this includes both good and bad interactions. Cyberbullying is when someone uses the internet to bully others repeatedly. This can include intimidation, threats, humiliation, exclusion, or stalking.

Cyberbullies can target their victims through many platforms like social media, Facebook, emails, and chat rooms. They can do this without being face-to-face and often use fake identities. This makes it easier for them to bully whenever and however they want, often in front of a larger audience.

The impact of bullying and cyberbullying goes beyond the moment it occurs: it affects self-esteem, academic performance, social relationships, and emotional health.

Children and adolescents who experience these situations may feel afraid to go to school, sad, anxious, angry, or even embarrassed to share what’s happening.

When should I be concerned?

Sometimes kids who are bullied or who bully others do not ask for help. But there are signs parents can look for that might show a child is being bullied or is a bully. These signs are similar for cyberbullying.

Signs a child might be bullied or cyberbullied:

• Lost or damaged clothes, books, or belongings
• Unexplained cuts, bruises, or scratches
• Having few or no friends, or suddenly losing friends
• Being scared to go to school or making excuses not to go
• Frequent headaches, stomach aches, or faking illness
• Lower grades and loss of interest in school
• Sadness, anxiety, low self-esteem, irritability, or depression
• Trouble sleeping or frequent bad dreams
• Changes in eating habits, like loss of appetite or overeating
• Self-destructive behaviors like running away, self-injury, or talking about suicide

Signs a child might be bullying or cyberbullying others:

• Getting into fights
• Having friends who bully others
• Being overly aggressive
• Frequently sent to the principal’s office or detention
• Having extra money or new things without explanation
• Blaming others for their actions and may lie to gain an advantage
• Little or low tolerance for rules
• Worrying too much about reputation or popularity

What can I do to help?

Parents know their kids best. It can be difficult to recognize that your child is being bullied or is bullying others, so talk to your child often about the issue so they feel comfortable opening up. If you think your child is either a victim of bullying or a bully, try these steps:

1. Talk to your child.Ask simple questions to understand what’s happening. Do not solve the problem too quickly before understanding the full story.
2. Be supportive.Let your child know you see something is wrong and that you want to help in the best way, without being embarrassing for them.
3. Practice assertiveness.Help your child learn to stand up to bullies confidently but not aggressively. Practice what they could say.
4. Don’t encourage violence as a form of defense.Defending oneself doesn’t require aggression. Physical aggression will only make things worse.
5. Find allies.Encourage your child to talk to their friends about handling bullying. Friends might have good ideas and make your child feel less alone.
6. Get involved.Help your child join activities they enjoy and are good at, to boost their confidence.
7. Talk to adults or teachers.With your child’s permission, talk to their teachers or school staff to help out.
8. Remind your child that it’s not their fault they’re being bullied.Reinforce that they don’t need to change to be loved.

What kind of professional support can I seek out?

Do not feel embarrassed or guilty if your child struggles with bullying. Help and advice are available.

Start by talking to your child’s school staff. There are several types of professionals you can speak with if you have concerns, including a school psychologistand your child’s pediatricianor family doctor. They can refer you to other specialists, such as mental health professionals.

Mental health professionals work with children directly and can also work with caregivers so they can support their children better. Your child doesn’t have to go through this alone. Your support is essential to ensure they feel safe, understood, and more confident in dealing with the situation.

You can also find free support through the Unified Health System (SUS). Care often begins at your local Basic Health Unit (UBS). Other services include Child and Adolescent Psychosocial Care Centers (CAPS i), specialty centers, and clinics at university hospitals.