Difficulties interacting with, understanding, or talking to people

Social communication includes everything you do to talk, understand, and interact with other people. You communicate well with others when you use the right words, change how you speak depending on who is listening, follow conversation rules, and understand things like facial expressions and eye contact.

Some people feel that talking, making friends, or being in groups isn’t as easy as it seems for others. This has nothing to do with just being shy. You might feel confused by the “rules” of conversation, misunderstand jokes, or prefer to be alone because social situations are uncomfortable. This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you; it just means your brain may work differently.

What is typical?

When babies look at you when you call them, smile, and copy your faces, they are already communicating. You keep learning these skills until you are an adult.

Typical social communication means being able to tell others how you feel, understand how others feel, say what you want and need, and talk about different topics. Most people spend a lot of time socializing, and making and keeping friends can become very important.

If you feel like these things are too difficult, it doesn’t mean you’re behind or have a problem. It may just mean you need to learn differently, at your own pace and with support.

When should I be concerned?

Everyone is different, but here are some signs that you might have social communication difficulties. Sometimes, these difficulties only become a bigger issue in the teen years, when social life gets more intense.

When you were younger:

• Not wanting to spend time with others: You might not have wanted to spend time with caregivers or other people.
• Choosing to be alone: You might have chosen to be alone even when others were around.
• Avoiding play: You might not have wanted to play or hang out with other children your age.
• Avoiding talking: You might have avoided talking to others.
• Trouble responding: You might have had trouble responding when people spoke to you.
• Difficulty with pretend play: You might have struggled with imaginary games or activities.

In school:

• Playing with others: You might not be interested in playing with classmates or may play alone.
• Social games: You might struggle to follow rules of games or take turns.
• Activity engagement: You might not join in activities and may seem passive.
• Lack of friendships: You might not think of classmates as “friends.”
• Trouble staying on topic: You might have trouble sticking to the topic in conversations.
• Interrupting others: You might always want to talk about your own interests, no matter what others are talking about.

Other signs:

• Nonverbal communication difficulties: You might have difficulties with nonverbal communication, such as eye contact, facial expressions, and gestures.
• Trouble understanding emotions: You might not recognize others’ emotions or intentions.
• Extreme shyness or aggression: You might be extremely scared, shy, or aggressive.
• Proximity in interactions: You might not know how close to stand to people.
• Indirect communication: You might struggle to understand what others mean when not directly stated.
• Initiating conversations: You might find it hard to start or continue a conversation.

There’s no shame in having difficulty fitting in. But if it compromises your well-being and your ability to reach your goals, it’s important to seek help.

What can I do if I (or a friend) struggle?

Dealing with social communication difficulties can be hard and frustrating. If you know you struggle with them, here are a few things you can try:

1. Ask a trusted adult for help. This could be a parent, family member, or another adult who takes care of you. Let them know what’s going on. They can help you and get you more support if needed.
2. Talk to your teacher. Your teacher can notice if you have trouble with social communication and might be able to do things in class to help you.
3. Give yourself time. Social interactions can be very hard. Remember to take your time and be patient with yourself. It’s okay to pause and think before you speak.
4. Watch how people you trust act with others. You can learn a lot from watching others. Pay attention to how they start conversations and respond to others.
5. Practice with people you trust. Try talking to people you like or who think like you about things you both enjoy.
6. Use role-playing to practice conversations. Ask a friend or family member to pretend to be someone else and practice talking to them. This can help you feel more prepared for real conversations.
7. Write down what you want to say. If you’re nervous about talking, write down your thoughts first. This can help you organize your ideas and feel more confident.

The first step is to understand that you are not alone. If things like loud noises or changes in plans bother you, find ways to protect yourself, like using headphones. And remember, don’t try to be like everyone else. Everyone has their own way and their own time.

What kind of professional support can I seek out?

It is normal to feel embarrassed or insecure if you struggle with social communication. If you think you have these difficulties, tell a trusted adult or your teacher. The sooner you get help, the easier it will be.

You can talk to professionals at your school, like school psychologistsand speech-language therapists. You can also talk to a doctor, such as a pediatrician, a general practitioner, or a professional at your nearest Basic Health Unit (UBS). They will listen to you, understand what is happening, and if necessary, refer you to a specialist.

Asking for help isn’t a weakness—it’s a way of taking care of yourself.

Public services are also available through the Unified Health System (SUS). You can find support at places like your local Basic Health Unit (UBS)or Child and Adolescent Psychosocial Care Centers (CAPS i).