Feeling afraid to be away from a caregiver or someone close

Being away from a caregiver can be hard for some students. Young students often feel scared when their caregiver isn’t around. This feeling is called separation fear. The world is new and sometimes scary for them, so they rely on their caregivers to feel safe.

At school, this fear can show up as resistance to entering the classroom, long periods of crying, or requests to leave. This is not a student being “tricky” or “lazy.”

It is a real fear that something bad could happen to them or their loved one while they are apart.

What is typical?

Almost all students from 6 months to 3 years old get clingy and cry if their caregivers leave, even for a little while. Babies do not understand time well, so they think their parent is gone forever if they walk out of the room. This fear usually ends by age 3.

From ages 3 to 5, many children understand better that separation is only temporary, but they may still feel insecure. Young students might also:

• Have trouble being held by another adult when handed over by their caregiver.
• Have problems saying goodbye to a caregiver at school drop-off.

With affection, patience, and predictable routines, most children can feel more secure and adapt well to school life.

When should I be concerned?

Some fear of being apart from a caregiver is normal, even for older students, but they can usually separate with a little emotional support. However, in some cases, the fear is more intense and persistent, making it difficult for the student to adapt to the school routine. Signs of too much separation fear include:

For younger students:

• Refusing to go to kindergarten or school to stay with a caregiver.
• Crying or having tantrums when a caregiver leaves the classroom or school.
• Clinging or crying in new situations.
• Having headaches, bellyaches, or vomiting when separating from caregivers.

For older students:

• Fearing something bad will happen to a family member while at school.
• Needing to know where caregivers are during the school day and needing to stay in touch by phone or text.
• Having frequent stomachaches, headaches, or other aches.
• Refusing to go to school, causing academic problems or social isolation.
• Avoiding activities outside the home, such as school trips or events that require being away from family.

What can I do to help?

There are a few steps educators can take when it comes to supporting students who have an excessive fear of separation:

1. Encourage quick goodbyes: Long goodbyes can make separation anxiety worse. A quick and reassuring goodbye is best. Reassure the student that they will see their caregiver at the end of the day.
2. Introduce separation gradually: Work with the caregiver to practice leaving the student for short periods, gradually increasing the time.
3. Have engaging activities ready: A fun activity can distract the student and help them feel more comfortable when they arrive.
4. Give the student a special job: A classroom helper role can boost confidence and reduce anxiety.
5. Create a comforting routine: A predictable routine can help the student feel more secure.
6. Provide a safe space: Designate a quiet area in the classroom where the student can go if they feel overwhelmed.
7. Communicate with caregivers: Regular communication with caregivers is essential to coordinate support strategies.

What kind of professional support can I seek out?

As an educator, your role is not to provide clinical support, but you can help by guiding the family to the right professionals.

You can inform families about free support available through the Unified Health System (SUS). Care often begins at the nearest Basic Health Unit (UBS), which can refer them to specialized services. These may include Child and Adolescent Psychosocial Care Centers (CAPS i), Medical and Psychosocial Specialty Centers, and outpatient clinics at university or regional hospitals.

It is also helpful to remind caregivers that mental health professionals can support both the child and the family. They offer strategies for managing challenges at home, at school, and during treatment.